Lord, I Need Refreshing

I’m hiding in my room with the door closed.

My family is invaluable, enthusiastic, entertaining, loving, caring, and beautiful; but today, I just want them to go away.

Even in the midst of (covid) isolation, I just want to be alone.

Why do I Feel Wrecked?

The problem isn’t my family. And after only one week of isolation, it’s not loneliness, either.

It’s the upheaval of everything normal. It’s the strain of:

  • calming the children’s fears and disappointments,
  • anticipating the effects of possible unemployment,
  • maintaining a cheerful countenance while grocery shopping inside a crazed supermarket,
  • organizing three curricula due to mandatory homeschooling,
  • staying positive in the face of uncertainty,
  • etc.

I feel guilty for wanting to run away because I have:

  • a warm home,
  • a loving family,
  • health,
  • food to eat,
  • a car to drive,
  • supportive neighbors, and
  • caring friends.

Desperate for Refreshing

Lord, I’m desperate for refreshing.

I haven’t had time to write (except for right now), and I haven’t been coming to you with my worries and struggles.

Help me. I want to be loving, patient, and kind with my family; but I also just want to be left alone for a few hours.

I know praying will help me, but I don’t feel like praying.

I know your Word will encourage me, but I don’t feel like reading it.

What will you do with this weary child who knows the way to refreshment, but can’t force one foot to step in front of the other to find it?

Father, I need you.

Jesus, I need you.

Holy Spirit, I need you.

(sigh) Amen.

Knock, knock.

Shit. They found me.

Can you relate? Then, you may also relate to: Being Emotional is NOT Being Weak.

23 thoughts on “Lord, I Need Refreshing”

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  1. I’m blessed to be in a place where I can enjoy the solitude, get writing done, etc. But your last couple of lines reminded me of one night when my kids were all still at home. I was in the tub with the bathroom doors locked to keep the kids out, just so I could have a LITTLE “alone time.” I was just starting to relax, and there was a knock at the door. I wondered which of my three kids that could be…
    It was my husband. -_-

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  2. Being in forced isolation has made me realize I’m in need of refreshing. No kids, no husband, I live alone, live close to my supportive family but no PRESSING daily routine I have to worry about, so it may sound crazy that I feel like this. But maybe this is GOD’S way of opening my heart and ears to find the peace within and with him. Lord, I need refreshing.

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    1. Not crazy. We all have needs.

      I think one of the most unkind things we can do to ourselves and others is to compare. Like, saying, “Why would you need refreshing? You only have ONE child, but I have seven!” (just an example) Your need for refreshing is as valid as mine. The need just stems from different circumstances.

      Lord, come meet us in our need. In our loneliness, and in our need to be alone.

      (I’m curious: Is this @agent99time Barb? Or a different Barb?)

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      1. We had two children close together. About twelve years later we had another, who was like an only child (with teen-aged babysitters. 😉 ). Having two was challenging, but one was possibly harder, because she had no siblings to play with, and the neighbor kids had all grown up, too. I was her best friend. She also had some health challenges, so I was pretty much her constant companion. But at the end of the day, we have a bond that is unique and precious.

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        1. So true.

          There is no “perfect” family. Every family dynamic is unique and beautiful in its own way. The key, I think, is to recognize the positives and beauty in our own families.

          When I was first married, a friend told me this story (paraphrased, cause I don’t remember her exact words): “Sara, we’d been married about a month and I was mowing the lawn, and I looked over at the neighbour’s yard. There, my neighbour’s husband was mowing their lawn. Suddenly, I was mad because my new husband wasn’t doing the mowing like HER husband was. And after being angry about it for a week, I had a moment of clarity: I had been perfectly happy to mow the lawn until I compared my relationship to theirs. The key, Sara, is to NEVER compare your marriage to another person’s marriage.”

          Wow! I’ve tried my best to follow her advice (of course I’ve failed many times), and I think it applies to ALL aspects of our lives – jobs, money, and family.

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  4. Boy, I can sure relate! I felt that way when my kids were little sometimes and we weren’t sheltering in place. I was just trying to be a good mother! I loved my kids but I am not a good little kids person…the mess, the constant activity, the training, etc. I tried and did my best but I was a nervous wreck sometimes trying to keep a bit of order in my home! Hope you are feeling better today!! Sending love and hugs! Valerie ❤

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    1. Thanks, Valerie.

      I’ve been much better the rest of the week. It seems I needed to have a little meltdown, get my emotions out, cry on my bed a bit, and then face life again. Have to get the stress out somehow. 🙂

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  6. This is so relatable! I have found inexpensive noise cancelling headphones are key for this introvert when I need a 10 minute break from the constant chatter. I put on my favorite worship music and even if the kids find me, I can see their lips moving, but I can’t hear them. There is something so delightful about this that it makes me giggle. I have trained my kids to know not to interrupt me unless it is a true emergency when I have them on, because they are needed.

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  7. Don’t feel guilty, you do need alone time when you homeschool! This time has been both restful and stressful to me. Restful because all activities and busyness has come to an end. Stressful because of the disruption in routine and uncertainty of the future. I understand completely. I’m both cherishing these days and wishing them to be over!

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    1. It’s so true. Later in the day, I went for a long walk in the sunshine with my daughter. It helped my mood a ton. It was like I needed to melt down after being strong for everyone, and then when I’d let it all out, I was okay again by the next day.

      Two days of homeschool are done now. My kids are happy. I’m doing better. But I can only think about one day at a time still.

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. It’s a totally weird time. And it’s not like all the things that are happening are bad. There are wonderful effects: more fresh air, more time with the kids, learning to make do, being forced to slow down on extra activities, etc. But change is hard; even good change.

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