When God Waits: Trusting God When Time Feels Scarce

Half my life is over. If I’m fortunate enough to live till I’m old and gray, that is. I’ll be 40 this December, but I could also die tomorrow. God only knows – and the thought that I may be running out of time terrifies me. Did I do all he planned for me? Despite my fears and worries, and knowing I have limited time here, God continues to take his.

Oh, how he takes his sweet, ever-lasting time!

I’m not a quick-moving person. I don’t bustle, flit, or dash much. I don’t calculate how many minutes I can save by zipping down Loewen Ave. instead of Main St. on my way to the library. I’ll get there when I get there – safe and slow. I cook slowly, clean slowly, heal slowly, and process slowly.

Yet, for all my apparent lack of time-preoccupation, time weighs heavy. So, hurry up, God! I have hopes and plans and dreams, and there’s no time like the present.

I took a full-time job in June. After 15 years as a stay-at-home mom (the last four of which I devoted to writing as often as I could), I’ve re-entered the workforce kicking and screaming. Why? Several reasons, but one major factor is that I know my natural speed.

I know I’m not the type of person who’ll work an eight-hour day, zoom home, slap supper together, throw in a load of laundry, spend time with the kids, wipe down the bathroom sink, then sneak in an hour of writing before I head to bed and start all over again. I know I don’t have the stamina or capacity to live that way. So I knew what would happen. I knew that if circumstances necessitated I get a job, I’d stop writing.

God knew, too. So why didn’t he make a different way? A better way? A way in which I could stay home and keep writing?

I glance at my laptop each day after work. It sits waiting. Like my dream – sad and neglected. My heart sags at the sight and I feel sucked down into a gross pool of self-pity.

But then my Faith-Brain kicks in and quips, “God has a plan, Sara. Have faith! Be patient. This is just a season. You’ll write again one day.”

Yes, yes, my heart nods in agreement.

This spark of hope is quickly snuffed, however, when Fear-Brain scowls and snarls, “Sure, but why this? Why waste all this time at a day job when you should be writing? Couldn’t he at least have led you to a job that aligns with your dreams, your gifts? Why is God keeping you from your true calling?”

Fear-Brain does me no good. Her perception is twisted and she spouts egotistical lies. She’s also loud and difficult to ignore.

But guess who’s greater than Fear-Brain? Guess who’s voice, as gentle as a whisper, can squash Fear-Brain’s lies with his Word?

I read the creation account in Genesis a few days ago. Bible-reading was my desperate attempt to drown out the woe-is-me thoughts that constantly pester. God was gracious and spoke to me, gently showing me that from the very beginning, he’s been taking his time.

First, he took his time playing with dirt. Much like my little boys used to do in the backyard. I imagine God “in the zone,” oblivious to his surroundings as he focuses intently on the human he’s forming out of only dust and Holy power. God looks happy to me. Merely speaking Adam into being (as he did with the sun, moon, water, and animals) won’t do.

This creation is special and will need extra care. Extra time.

When the human is just right, exactly how God pictured him to be, God breathes life into the man’s body. The man’s name is Adam, and God watches with love as Adam takes his first steps.

Next God introduces Adam to the new world by taking him to the Zoo. Or, rather, he brought the Zoo to Adam and had him name each animal. Together, they enjoyed the creatures one by one as Adam discovered what God had made.

This animal-naming game was more than just a quality time activity. I believe he wanted Adam to notice something. God waited patiently while Adam met each beast and slowly caught on to a pattern, until he realized that there was “no helper who was right for him” (Gen. 2:20 GW).

Once Adam understood his need for human companionship, God created Eve – through a gentle, methodical surgery – forming her body from dust by wrapping it around Adam’s rib. Be assured: Eve was no afterthought. She was always part of the plan. The unhurried, in-the-fullness-of-time plan of God’s.

Then came the ill-fated day when Satan entered the garden and the first humans were tempted beyond their capacity to withstand. A sin-chain began. One that would last millennia.

Why, oh, why didn’t Jesus arrive as Eve’s son and crush that serpent from the very start? Why has God waited patiently, enduring centuries upon centuries of sinful men and women? I hope it’s clear by now: Because God takes his time, especially when it comes to mankind.

As I read the creation story, I wondered, Why do I feel God should treat me differently than the rest of humanity? He’s taking his time with me. While I have my emotional hissy-fits, he remains calm. Relaxed. Watching my life unfold just as he planned from the beginning, unworried. This is his way, and “as for God, his way is perfect.”

God called me to write. He planted the dream. I’m certain. Yet he didn’t lay out the whole plan for me. So, while I stress about time that seems lost or wasted, God knows exactly what he’s doing. If I die tomorrow, his plan will still succeed because he’s sovereign. Maybe we’ve already written what he called us to write. Or maybe I’ll still be writing with him 40 years from now.

I’m beginning to see that the desires he places in our hearts are both for this life on earth and for eternity. We have a calling there too, beyond the grave and in his presence. So, what portion of the dream – the calling – is for here, and what portion is for there? And what will that calling look like when we’re face-to-face with the King of Glory? God only knows – and that truth drives my fears away.

I don’t know what season you’re in, but I know God has a plan for you just as he has one for me. Let’s not lose faith! In the fullness of time, he’ll bring his plans to pass. Just you wait.

UPDATE: It's been two years since I first drafted this blog post. I'm working a different job that, although it doesn't involve a lot of writing, utilizes other gifts and strengths. I find great satisfaction in much of my work, and I know God is growing me. Will I write again? God only knows. He's still taking his time with me. But whatever his plan is, as long as we stick together, I know I'll be just fine.

With love,